A Sire's Motivations

[mckelly]

You all seemed to react positively to Isaac when I introduced him to you, so I decided to share an introspective scene I wrote from his point of view. It's set the night after he embraced his childe. Be prepared for massive amounts of sap.

August 8th, 2010

 

It’s 8 pm on a Sunday night. Normally I would be out at the Rack, spending the last night of the weekend giving some sweet young woman the night of her life. Buy her a drink, ask her to dance, and by the end of the night I’d be taking advantage of her warm bed and even warmer blood. I played that game last Sunday, and the one before that. No matter how many times I win it never gets old.

 

This Sunday, though, I’m pacing back and forth in my haven, shooting nervous glances up at the loft above my studio space, wondering just what on this magnificent earth I’ve gotten myself into.

 

Scott’s not up yet. Why isn’t he up? And why does that worry me? It’s not as though anyone in our line has been a particularly early riser. This nervousness doesn’t make sense. Calm yourself, Isaac. If you keep this up you’ll wear yourself out, and what sort of sire would you be then?

 

I hear noises from the loft: The soft thump of feet hitting the hardwood floor, then the metal railing on the stairs creaking under someone’s weight. I turn to look – a bit too quickly, maybe – and break out into a smile as I see Scott lazily descending the steps from the loft. The pajamas I let him borrow make him look even shorter than normal. He yawns. What an adorably human sound! It’s not as though his brain needs the oxygen anymore. I wonder how many years will pass before that little quirk vanishes. I can’t remember the last time I yawned. 

 

Scott stops midway down the stairs. He looks at me with those innocent green eyes of his, concern written all over his absurdly youthful features. I still can’t believe he’s older than I was when Alden embraced me.

 

“Is everything okay?” he asks. His words are sluggish. I get the feeling it’s going to be a while before he really starts waking up.

 

“Of course. Everything’s fine,” The words come out faster than I would like. It sounds like I’m trying to convince myself of the fact more than I am trying to reassure Scott. Great job, Isaac. How’re you going to inspire confidence in your childe with reactions like that?

 

“You were pacing.”

 

“You were up?” Well there go all my hopes of appearing composed.

 

“S-sorry. I didn’t want to bother you.” Scott lowers his head and grips the railing tighter. Oh no, we’re not having any of that. This haven is Scott’s home now. I won’t have him feeling like a nuisance here. I walk over to the bottom of the stairs and extend a hand towards him.

 

“If I thought you’d be a bother I wouldn’t have embraced you.”

 

Scott’s eyes widen and he blushes. I know he’s not used to being wanted. Eventually we’re going to have to do something about that honest face of his, but I can’t help but find his embarrassment endearing. Surprisingly, Scott actually takes my hand. Usually he avoids casual touching like it’s some sort of plague. But then he’s blood bound to me now, so perhaps I shouldn’t be that surprised at all. 

 

God, I can’t believe what I’ve gotten myself into. What’s a rake like me going to do with a fledgling? I’ve only ever been responsible for myself. I’m not sure I know how to be responsible for someone else. It’s not as though my own sire set a good example in that regard. God, what if I end up like him? I was never more than a pleasant distraction for Alden, one he grew bored of the moment it required any actual effort. I know it’s not entirely his fault. That’s just what the Toreador beast does to us, and that is… that is terrifying. Mentoring Scott is the first thing in this damned life of mine that’s ever felt worthwhile; the first time someone has ever actually needed me. I can’t – won’t – let myself grow bored of him. I’m all he has.

 

God. I’m all he has.

 

There’s so much I’m going to need to teach Scott if I want him to survive. It’s going to be difficult. Scott’s not cut out for this kind of existence. He’s too fragile, too soft for the power plays and manipulations of our kind. But that same softness is what makes him so perfect. There are too many stone-hearted bastards walking the streets these nights. Lord knows I’ve had enough of them. Compassion, gentleness, humility… so many of us act like those things are anathema to our existence. But maybe it doesn’t have to be that way. Maybe someone like Scott, who held on to these qualities despite a lifetime of abuse and neglect, is exactly what this icy society of ours needs.

 

“Why’re you staring at me?” Scott’s hand tenses in mine. Why, he asks. Because he’s a wonder, an absolute wonder. If only he could see just how much he has to offer! And he’s mine. I tighten my grip around his hand, pull him down the last couple steps, and wrap him tightly in my arms. I can feel his whole body stiffen, but I don’t let go. Not yet. He still has the slightest warmth to him, a lingering piece of the life I snatched him out of.

 

“You’re my childe, Scott. I want you to know exactly what that means.” I place a gentle hand under his chin and lift his face, so our eyes can meet. “From now on we’re family. Whatever you need to succeed in this new life, I’ll provide. Just ask.” I let Scott go and take a step backward, giving him space. It doesn’t look like he knows what to say. He wraps his arms around his stomach and lowers his gaze to the ground for a few moments. 

 

“I think,” he says, blushing again, “I’ll start by asking for breakfast. Is… is that okay?”

 

I smile and nod. I know Scott’s deflecting, but I have an eternity to get him to open up. Besides, it’s going to be a while before he’s able to control the new hunger inside him. Starving it now isn’t going to do him any favors. 

 

“Then I’m, um, gonna go get dressed.” Scott turns around and runs back up the stairs. He almost trips over the hem of his pajama pants. It’s all I can do not to laugh at how cute it is.

 

I am going to have my work cut out for me. There’s no doubt about that. But Scott will be worth it. We’re family now. He’s going to be worth it.

Comments

[propergoffick]

This is one of the most Toreador things I've read. Isaac's so observant, and yet so determined to believe things will turn out for the best with this experiment of his. Would love to read more about these two.

[mckelly]

I'll have to write more, then! I'm glad you enjoyed this little snippet.