Things you should never do in Elders games

[havocthecat]

Anyone else ever played an Elder, either in an Elder game, or just get enough points accumulated into your character that, no matter young your character was chronologically, you were an Elder?

Theoretically, they are of greater maturity than their Ancilla or Neonate counterparts, but let's face it. We're playing for fun, not to be boring and mature.

Anyone want to share a story of things you should never do in Elders games? I mean, I've got a whole boatload of them, and I'll kick it off with some terrible decisions I have made IC for my favorite character.

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Miranda Graves

[havocthecat]

Things you should never do in Elder games: Sleep with Thor. Or make deals with Loki. OR BOTH.

Now that I've said that, let me give you the background:

Miranda Graves was an elder Ravnos who was masquerading as a very young Neonate Ravnos who had survived the Week of Nightmares by dint of being very, very weak and running and hiding a lot. Miranda had, in fact, survived it by being a super-murdery and ruthless bastard of an Elder, like you do. But this is not that story.

Our story begins in Chicago, where Miranda had conned her way into being elected the head of the local Anarch Movement, and the local Camarilla Prince and her Sheriff, both a couple of impulsive fuckwits, had teamed up to release Loki from his bindings, thereby kicking off Ragnarok. (It was a very mythologically-based era of our LARP.)

The main problem with this was not the impending doomsday of the human race (we had plans for hiding out a survivable population in a mid-range space between the Nine Realms), it was the fact that a bunch of dumb idiots thought, "No one ELSE is going to make a deal with Loki, so I'll take the shiny candy and do the errand, thereby advancing the world ONE MORE STEP TOWARD RAGNAROK."

Every time. Every. fucking. time. You have no idea what it's like being the one person going around saying, "Do not make deals with evil, immortal Trickster gods. Trust me, I am a trickster and I know it is a stupid plan." No one listens.

So, fine, Miranda is clearly going to have to take matters into her own hands to make sure that, at least, she survives. So she meets up with Loki and says, "What can I do to ensure that Surtr, your handy fire demon dude, does not burn the Nine Realms? Because that shit is the one thing I cannot survive."

Loki says, "Well, in the grand scheme of things, fuck Thor, I hate him, and he's prophesied to kill one of my babies. I want his hammer. If you get me his gloves, I will take care of Surtr."

Miranda, not being entirely stupid, has done some research, and knows those gloves will let Thor use Mjolnr, but okay, she's not exactly on the side of the Norse Gods here, because those guys are assholes too. She's Jewish; there is approximately one God she worships and none of these guys are it. (I say approximately because she's a closet Bahari.)

So. Okay. Deal done, Miranda scopes out Thor, who is also hanging around trying to get everybody to lock Loki up. Which Miranda could also totally do; she has the best chance of tricking Loki into it, but nobody has asked her. They're just interested in the shiny deal candy and nobody thinks they're going to end up with Ragnarok.

(PLAYERS. Ragnarok is on the table. Everyone's getting there.)

Thor is always wearing these gloves. ALWAYS. He sleeps in them. There is no chance of getting him out of them. There's no chance of stealing them off his belt, even with a maxed out Subterfuge and Security, which Miranda has.

But. Thor is susceptible to one thing, and one thing only: Trickery. So Miranda throws a party. Just for Thor. There are strippers. There is food. So. Much. Food. There is beer. Even. More. Beer. But he still won't take the damn gloves off.

So she finally says, "Fuck it, only one way to do this."

She sleeps with Thor.

While he is in a post-party food, drink, and sex coma, she steals his gloves, runs off, barely makes it to her hired hotel room for the day and calls a swarm of rats to guard her (that hotel is going to have health inspectors for MONTHS after, whoops), but she gets the gloves AND when Thor goes after her for it because one of her own people sends him off to her (they're assholes, but they're her murderous, traitorous assholes), she talks him out of being mad at her. Because Thor is very vulnerable to people talking him out of being mad at them.

Finally, everyone else made enough deals with Loki that the conditions for Ragnarok were fulfilled (because of course), Ragnarok came, Thor died real fast, and instead of Surtr burning the Nine Realms, Loki whacked him in the face with Mjolnr and no burning was had. Loki kinda won at Ragnarok.

So. That is the story of how Miranda Graves made a deal with Loki, slept with Thor, and saved the world.

Also she handed the rule of Asgard to Loki, so, whoops if you have a problem with that? But she kind of doesn't care, because tricksters.